Have you ever participated in a team-building exercise or observed a video where someone falls backward into the arms of their co-workers? Even if you get along wonderfully with them, giving up control to others and risk landing flat on your back takes a LOT of trust!
At a time when I was wracked with worry and couldn’t sleep, I sat and tried to pray. The image of falling backward into supportive arms came to me and I considered the phrase “falling” asleep. Falling implies loss of control and generally when we sleep, we have little, if any, control.
I considered, what if I yielded my anxious thoughts to the God of the universe and asked him to help me see things from a Holy perspective even as I slept?
I wrote and shared the above paragraphs as part of a weekly inspirational post with my prayer team some years ago. Learning to trust in God’s providence and protection became ingrained in my spiritual habits over time and sustained me through very stressful circumstances including the death of my husband.
However while the exercise of falling back into your coworkers’ arms demonstrates trust in people doing the right thing and catching you, in reality, life circumstances can be so much more painful and challenging to endure than having the ability to let go and handle it with good grace.
I still have an attitude of trust but my willingness to accept further trouble without complaint has waned significantly in these years as a widow. When a chronic pain condition flares or frustrations with tasks causes tedious and time-consuming problem solving, my temper kindles quickly and with a raised fist I am yelling “too much! it is too much!”
My mind tells me the trouble is inevitable. So how do you reconcile having an attitude of trust with a general reluctance to see it tested?
Daily devotions and Scripture readings has brought me so much joy and comfort. But for months now I have difficulty finding that same solace. Today I cracked open Jesus Listens by Sarah Young and it began “I come to You with my gaping neediness asking You to fill me with the Light of Your Love.”
Gaping neediness. Whoa! So, so me.
The reading went on, “I realize that a heart yielded to You doesn’t whine or rebel when the going gets tough. Instead it musters up the courage to thank You during hard times. Subordinating my will to Yours is ultimately an act of trust…Teach me to view my neediness as a blessing, believing that You designed me for deep dependence on You.”
Now that takes trust to a whole nother level, doesn’t it?
And I am searching for that answer in this blog.